Growing Pains

The end of a relationship is difficult. There are so many phases, and just when you think you're over someone, the feelings begin to creep back up. My best friend explained to me that when you begin a relationship with a person, you plant a seed in your heart. Time spent together, likes and dislikes, talking, physical affection, being there for each other, helping each other through hard times, all of the laughs, the tears, the smiles, the jokes - all of these things are water and fertilizer to the seed. They cause the seed to grow into a big plant with deep roots. When I ended my first and most recent relationship, I just expected that we could cool off and be friends, which is like if I were to hack the plant until just some stalks stuck out of the ground. It is painful at first - unlike any pain I have ever experienced. But when you think you're over it and you being to remember the all of the memories that made your relationship grow, and when you keep try to keep in touch and miss the "old days", the stalks begin to grow, only they grow into a different plant. It isn't beautiful. It is scarred. It is twisted. It is almost dead. It is being fed by mere memories of the past. So I have come to the conclusion that I have to rip the plant up from the roots by not thinking about it and severing all contact - which is going to be more painful than the first chopping that I did. However, I can't allow this to continue growing. It is taking over my life, and I haven't even realized it until now. I need to totally surrender everything to God and allow Him to do His thing. Who knows? Maybe later, another seed of friendship will be planted between the two of us. Right now it just feels like one of my best friends died, only he's still alive, and I know that I can't talk to him. BLAH! I hate being depressed. SO next blog will be more optimistic :-)